


Looking Back

by virgilsjourney (jenna221b)



Series: Sanders Sides Ficlets [6]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Gen, Insecurity, Nostalgia, One Shot, Pep Talk, references Moving On Part 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 04:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12268740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenna221b/pseuds/virgilsjourney
Summary: “How are you…um, feeling?”Roman blinks. The defensive instinct to make a joke out of the whole thing is tempting, theeasyoption, but he can’t bring himself to do it, not while Virgil’s looking at him earnestly, so plainly wanting to help.Roman sighs. He lets the papers fall to the floor as he hangs his head. “Not good,” he mumbles.“No?”





	Looking Back

There’s nothing… absolutely  _nothing_  he can draw inspiration from here. Why is he still looking at them? It’s absolutely pointless. 

Roman crumples up the papers in frustration, and jumps at the sight of Virgil hovering at the entrance to his room. Virgil raises his eyebrows, and his eyes slowly travel around the room, lingering on the large chandelier light that… when had it gone out? Roman can’t even recall…

Virgil whistles, a low sound of concern. “Woah. It’s not even noon, this is way too early for a crisis, Romano.”

Roman recognises the attempt at levity but he can’t summon the energy to try to smile, not even at the awful nickname.

Virgil’s eyes dart to the light again. Then, he carefully looks back at Roman. “How are you…um, feeling?”

Roman blinks. The defensive instinct to make a joke out of the whole thing is tempting, the _easy_  option, but he can’t bring himself to do it, not while Virgil’s looking at him earnestly, so plainly wanting to help.

Roman sighs. He lets the papers fall to the floor as he hangs his head. “Not good,” he mumbles.

“No?” 

Virgil’s voice is a soft question, and Roman realises he’s waiting for permission. He nods, and Virgil finally crosses the threshold into his room and sits opposite him on the bed, cross-legged. The papers lie between them.

“You… you went into Patton’s room for these?”

Roman nods again, then grits his teeth. “And it was for nothing, anyway, all of these… these _scribbles_ are a steaming pile of-”

“Woah, woah, woah!” 

It’s only when Virgil’s hand knocks against his own that Roman realises he had been reaching forward, trying to rip the papers into pieces. Virgil lifts the whole stack into his arms, as if it’s something precious, and starts to read. A slow, gentle smile lights up his face.

“I… I  _remember_  this.”

Roman stares at him. There’s unmistakable nostalgia in his voice, but not a trace of worry.

“You do?”

Virgil laughs. “Yeah, I- c’mon, Roman, that medieval world building lasted  _months_.” He gestures to the papers. “I’m pretty sure this counts as a novel.”

Roman bows his head again. “So what? It wasn’t any good.”

Virgil gasps as if Roman has personally offended him. “How can you even  _think_ that? It. Was _Epic._ ” Virgil sighs, smiling, and Roman feels like pinching himself. “Knights and magic and daring quests and love and sacrifices and-”

“Yeah, I know,” Roman whispers. He feels very small all of a sudden. “And… the villain.”

Virgil rolls his eyes. “Yeah, they were a me wannabe, but I’ll cut you some slack. I was trying to be… antagonistic back then.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

Virgil’s hand reaches out and taps his knee. Roman looks up, weary. 

“I’m not lying,” Virgil says.

“Oh, really? I thought my writing was like “finding an ancient cringe compilation.”” Roman finishes his argument with half-hearted air-quotes.

Virgil’s eyes widen. “ _Oh_ ,” he says. Then: “Hey, I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

“ _No_ ,” Virgil says insistently. “Look, I… the way I react isn’t your  _fault_ , I just-” He shrugs, and smiles apologetically. “You know me. Self-preservation gone mad, I guess. It’s just a knee-jerk thing, Roman, it’s not a reflection on… on you. Or your work.”

Above them, the light starts to flicker on and off. “It’s not?”

Virgil gently passes the papers back to him. “Not at all. Listen, it’s just how I work. I assume  _everything_ done in the past will be cringey and then, what do you know, I’m wrong. Nice surprise.”  

The light grows brighter. Roman takes a deeo breath. “So, you- you’re serious, you actually did like-?”

“Did and  _do_ ,” Virgil interrupts. “No-one can make worlds like you, Roman. They’re… important. Escapism, but when you do it right, you always know when to… come back. Sometimes I’d-” A little sigh, the tail end of nostalgia. “I’d think, if I had to count out my breathing again- well- you’d have built a whole new part to the story by the time I got back under control. Made it… bearable.”

Roman finally smiles. The chandelier burns bright, golden and proud. “I’m… I’m… glad.”

Virgil smiles. He stands and, just as Roman thinks he’s leaving, he turns back to give him a half-salute. “Here’s a task for you, Romano. Look back, but make it even  _more_  epic. I want at least a dozen more enchantments, this time.”

Roman laughs, suddenly giddy with excitement. He prepares himself to get lost in the words again, but not before replying, “Stop with the Romano!”

“Less talking, more daydreaming, _Romano._ ”


End file.
